Why you need a “letting Go Hitlist”
This is for those of you who find yourself struggling over and over in love and relationships, never getting any further along or never moving closer to who and what you want.
You leave one relationship with one partner only to find yourself in pretty much the same relationship, only with a different partner, who’s a lot like the previous partner or partners.
It’s like Groundhog’s day, over and over again. You get stuck in the same relationship with the same type of person, over and over and over. And meanwhile, time is just going by and there you are… not getting any further up the ladder of love.
Watch this video to get started and create your own hitlist - or if you prefer reading, read on below!
The problem: unresolved “letgoables”
So frustrating, right? Whether you’re in a relationship now that’s not doing it for you, just left one, or are in between relationships and dating incredibly poorly, thinking you’re more likely to be kidnapped by zombies than find healthy love with a suitable human… Well, I know exactly what the problem is and how to fix it.
First let’s talk about the problem: Going from one failed relationship to the next with similar partners is a clear sign that you’ve got what I call unresolved “letgoables.” Now before you virtually slap me, a letgoable is not a dirty word.
It’s simply a word that I made up to mean anything you need to let go of to get where you want to go. It’s just catchier than saying, “Something you need to let go of to get where you want to go”.
Types of letgoables
A letgoable can be tangible, like people, situations, friendships, cities, houses, cars, animals…
Or, it can be intangible, like a belief, mindset, idea, other people’s voices in your head telling you what to do, who you are, or what you’re worth.
Tangible or intangible, all letgoables have three things in common:
They’re standing between us and what we want most.
We can control them — meaning we can make the choice to hold onto them OR to let them go.
And we don’t need anybody else’s permission or complicity to do so.We often have no idea that they’re actually there — inside or outside our consciousness or subconsciousness — keeping us stuck, even when we think we’ve done all the letting go we need to.
We often think if let go, say, the guy or the relationship or the person or the house or the job or the whatever — you know, the BIG thing — we’re good. We’ve done all the letting go we need to.
And then, we’re left scratching our heads when we’re still not either feeling better or getting where we want to go. That’s because letting go of the “big things” is often just the beginning of all we need to let go of. The tip of the iceberg, if you will.
Step one: taking stock of letgoables
While letgoables can certainly travel alone, they more often don’t. It’s more likely that where there’s one, there are several. Like seeing a deer in the road. When you see one, you know there are likely more right behind it — just waiting to barrel out in front of your car.
That first deer is a sign to slow down and take stock. Then, prepare yourself to deal with all the deer that come after it — or risk finding yourself dinged and in a ditch… over and over and over.
Which brings me back to the struggle I mentioned at the start of this video. Which brings me to the fix: Again, you can’t just let go of a person and relationship and think you’ve fully released what’s standing between you and healthy love with yourself AND the right person.
There’s more. And culling them out requires you to be thoughtful, because while some are more obvious than others, you want to make sure to get them all. That’s why I recommend creating a “letting-go hit list.”
Creating your letting-go-hitlist
So what is that? It’s you being really mindful about what you need to let go of comprehensively in order to make different choices in love and relationship, so you can actually get to the top rung of that ladder. It’s exploring all the potential letgoables keeping you stuck through the healthy process of the self-examination.
And I’m not just talking about looking for the conscious stuff you need to let go of — like the collection of action figures your ex left in your office, or your ex himself, or his not-so-great friends. But the subconscious stuff — the stuff you don’t even know is getting in your way.
Like, the subliminal talk track of self-blame and loathing that runs 24/7 like a dull hum in your head, or the bad story you tell yourself about love – the one you really BELIEVE, not the one you like to trick yourself into thinking is actually possible for you or lie to your friends about when you say, “I’m fine, it’s all fine, I know it’ll get better…”
When you don’t really believe that’s the case. You know what I mean.
Quieting the Inside Voices
Because while you may talk a good game about knowing you deserve more and that you’re going to find it, do you really BELIEVE it consciously and subconsciously.
This was a game I always played with myself and my external answer was yes, but my internal answer was always no. And that was the one that drove us.
The inside voices we may not even hear until we clear the metaphorical wax from ears and let it come through. The one saying: *Maybe I don’t really deserve it because {someone] once told me I didn’t? Maybe being with someone who is not my emotional and intellectual equal is the best I can do, or maybe I can’t really be picky until I lose 20 pounds or 20 years…*
When it comes to letgoables, there all sorts of stuff we as humans hold onto – beyond the obvious – that we need to release in order to forge ahead, in the direction of our goals in love and frankly other areas, successfully.
Taking Your Own Temperature
For example: You can’t let go of a partner and a relationship and expect to find a new, healthier one without letting go of the limiting beliefs that got you where you didn’t want to go in the first place.
And if you’ve got anxiety or fear about going inside of yourself to uncover those limiting beliefs, you’ll need to let go of that emotion and subjectivity, so you can be productively objective and introspective.
And if you can’t let go of the opinions of other people who gave you those limiting beliefs in the first place—or the idea they all matter—then you won’t get too far.
Or, on a more tangible front, if you can’t let go of the home, possessions, and even friends you may share with someone who’s not right for you or an ex, how will you move forward? See where I’m going here?
You must take your own temperature on these things. Answering these questions is not a crowd sport. Be honest — and act accordingly.
Ready? Go!
So where to begin? How do you know what letgoables are keeping you stuck? And how many things, realistically, can a person actually hold onto? Oh, you’d be surprised.
The good news is I’ve got a long list to get you started, as well as a collection of low-hanging letgoables you can literally start releasing today. If you’re interested in getting this list, go to page 191 of my book.
Or, if you just want a quick list of the most common letgoables so you can go back to it every time you get stuck, you can download it below.
