25 letgoables for a happy life (and relationship)

Everyone has things they need to let go of. 

I call them “letgoables.” 

These are things that are holding you back — from greatness, from success, from happiness, from living the life you’re meant to be living. 

Letgoables Often Travel in Packs

Your letgoables can include people, situations, beliefs, thoughts, ideas, voices, and anything else you’re holding on to and that keeps standing in your own way.

Letgoables can travel alone, but they usually don’t. Often when you have one letgoable, there are several more just waiting to be called out. And if you don’t acknowledge and address each and every one of them — or sometimes, all of them at once — you might very well wind up shortchanging your efforts and your results.

Because we can’t just let go of a relationship or a person, we think we’re ready to do better the next time. There is a holistic component to letting go that is critically necessary for making sure you get to your end goal — one that requires you to peel back the layers of your external and internal realities at the very same time to understand what you’re holding on to, what’s serving you, and what isn’t.

Unfortunately, very few people actually do this. They fail to address the full set of letgoables in a way that sets them up for success on the next go-around. 

They don’t stop to ask: “What else do I need to let go of, besides the person or the partnership in part or whole, to get what I want?”

It’s like seeing a deer on the road while driving. You know when one deer races out in front of you — there are likely several more deer right behind it, ready to get you into trouble. That’s your sign: to slow down, look around, take stock. Ignore that first deer, and you’ve got problems. Ignore the others, and you’ve still got problems. To get to your destination safely, you’ve got to see them all.

Letting go works the same way. It’s not a one-and-done deal. You’ve got to do it in bulk.

Example: Letting Go of a Relationship

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about: you can’t let go of a relationship and expect to find a new, healthier one without letting go of the limiting beliefs that got you where you didn’t want to go originally. 

And if you’ve got a lot of anxiety or fear about going inside of yourself to uncover those limiting beliefs, you’ll need to let go of that emotion and subjectivity so you can be productively objective and introspective. 

And if you can’t let go of the opinions of other people — who may have given you those limiting beliefs in the first place — you won’t get too far. 

So you’ll need to let go of their voices in your head as well, making sure yours always rises to the top. And if you have trouble doing that and need help, but don’t believe that seeking support is appropriate, you’ll need to let go of that little darling as well . . .

See where I’m going?

Why This Process can be Challenging

There are all kinds of ways that holding on to what seems like the most innocuous of things can keep you from making progress. 

Letting go comprehensively, through awareness, allows you to move things along at a more desirable clip. 

And yes, it also requires you to multitask, walk and chew gum at the same time, so you can negotiate more than one issue at a time. 

And yes, we’re not necessarily great at that, as regular multitasking makes it harder for people to prioritize and focus.

Which is why letting go on this scale can be challenging, and we need to be especially vigilant as we do it. Still, we must do it.

My Story of Letting Go

It was only when I’d come to understand that letting go of Hector was just the beginning — that I had to also let go of the life I’d built around him, the regret I’d felt in overstaying my welcome, and the voices telling me I had to be perfect to be loved, I’d be crazy to leave after investing so much time, or that starting over with someone new was a pipe dream — that I began to make headway.

Letting go comprehensively was painful, that’s the truth. But it was also what saved me.

What allowed me to be brave and bold as I moved through the process of dating, online and otherwise.

What gave me the courage to post a profile on one website, let alone four.

What gave me the wherewithal to walk away from Mack, who was adorable, charming, sexy, funny, and unavailable (sound familiar?), whom I really, really, really, really, really, really liked, and who pulled all of my old triggers, as evidenced by how quickly I found myself wrapped up in what he needed more than in what I did. Just three dates in — a sure sign that I still had letgoables to contend with.

Letting Go is Not a One-Time Thing

Which brings me to this: when it comes to letting go, there’s more than just a partner or a relationship to consider. That’s a great beginning, but you need to keep going. Ongoing self-exploration is where the rubber hits the road. It will allow you to uncover hidden saboteurs — thoughts, ideas, beliefs, situations, other people, relationships and even friendships, other people’s voices or judgment, the pressures of culture, convention, regret, whatever — that will keep you stuck if you let them. Instead, let them go too. And then stay attentive. Keep your eyes wide open on that open highway of relationship. Use the act of letting go as a practice.

The good news is that when you do, you get to reclaim old and new parts of yourself that ultimately move you closer to your end goal.

Which begs the question: What else do you need to let go of?