Finding Epiphany in the Loss of Tradition
Moving forward in the face of COVID isn’t easy, but it is part of our new normal. Just before Thanksgiving when my husband actually got it, despite our best efforts wearing masks and getting all the jabs.
Please note, if you’ve lost a loved one due to COVID, I am in no way suggesting letting go and moving forward is quick or easy or anything but gut-wrenchingly painful -- and I send my deepest, deepest condolences and love to you xx.
To say I was devastated at first is putting it lightly because, well, there went Thanksgiving--upsetting for a number of reasons. But epiphany, as it always does, saved me. To learn more about how, watch this video or keep reading below!
Facing COVID on Thanksgiving
My eighty-something parents planned on spending the holiday with us and I was so excited to spend some time with the family, turkey, a large piece of pumpkin pie, and just feel a teensy bit of normalcy this year. It had been a tough two years for obvious and not-so-obvious reasons (for so many of us, I know). The good news is we were all still here and feisty!
But my plans got upended by Dan’s diagnosis. And instead, I had to let go - again.
Letting go looks different for everyone and depending on the letgoable, but this time it looked like: getting into a hazmat suit (even though I never got COVID), packing up the dinner I’d prepared, and moving the party to my parents’ small condo in independent living in a retirement community; a Facetime dinner date with my hubby who was quarantined in the basement for 10 days; and lots of alone-but-not-quite-alone time.
See, being in the same house with my person just feet away from me while I couldn’t physically come in contact with him was hard. Harder than I’d expected.
The thing is, I have plenty of Big Wild Love, which means I enjoy the peace and solitude of time to myself. But I also felt a little lost, a little sad, and honestly, even a little pissed off about the situation. After all, we’d done everything right. And November into December was usually a great time for us to slow down and be together.
The Epiphany
But as I sat there, eating turkey alone on a holiday that’s all about family and friends and thankfulness, I had an epiphany: It was okay to feel bad. Yes, I was thankful Dan’s symptoms were mild, but I also missed being able to celebrate with him and the people I love. I had to come to terms with the fact that the situation wasn’t what I wanted, but I also needed to give myself that space to sit with my feelings and acknowledge them…because I too had to quarantine and test, to keep other people safe.
Once I did that, I could make a plan and make the best out of the situation. And I did. I worked on my novel. Snuggled with the dogs, watching all the Lifetime Television and 90 Day Fiance I could get in. I took the dog for long walks outside (masked of course), and just relaxed. It helped to know that Dan was living his best life in the basement, where he was quarantined for 10 days -- with our exercise equipment, big screen TV, and a lot of guitars.
Here’s the thing: You can make a plan from any situation and have your feelings about it at the same time. And you must! And sure, what you come up with might not be your favorite or best or ideal plan, but it’s a way forward. And sometimes, that’s enough.
